i love everybody in my life. even the most annoying ones that irritate the crap out of me. and i love everybody in a different way. super cool eh? HAHA. but yes, it's true. :)
but of course, there are some that i love more than others. and some less. well, that's pretty obvious. it speaks for itself. haha. yeap. so, i love everybody. i don't hate anyone to the gut; maybe just for the moment, but i hope not forever.
so. let's see. i've been thinking. i feel like writing letters. good old-fashioned letters. know why?
cause everytime i get a letter, i'll feel very happy inside. and emails and fb wall posts don't make me feel that way. maybe that's the magic of handwritten letters. yes, it is. i'm sure.
i feel like writing letters. to somebody. a few people, actually. tell them how i really feel. but to whom? there aren't many people i'd entrust my secrets to. none, in fact. except to my Daddy, of course. :)
i'm just, so so tired of keeping it all inside. i want another good crying session. like the one i had at CAC. oh, that was epic. thank God for Pearlyn. yes. and i think i made her shoulder really wet. oops! >.<
and it's amazing how much stuff i've got caught inside again. the last three months have been hectic. the avalanche of projects, people leaving, sudden revelation of feelings. and so much more thinking done. especially the thinking part. i really thought alot. and busted my sms limit twice. HAHA.
and it's only going to get more busy this and next month, with preparations for exams, and preparations for the trip to Genting this december. and i can't go for CM camp. did i mention that?! i'm just so pissed that the Genting trip and CM camp clashed.
and i'm so going to flunk maths. gosh. it's not panic anymore. it's fear. pure, white fear. actually, it's not even fear anymore. it's sort of being resigned. i don't know how much practicing can help anymore, or whether i can even understand when someone explains it to me. and i really hope you read this, Aaron Lim!
or maybe i should just do it the Gillian Peck way. sleep two hours every night and study like mad. yes. yes. i think i should do that. then i'd get the things drilled into my head. and end up with horrible dark eye circles under my eyes. oh...my looks don't matter. results are more important. yes. results are more important. anyway it's not like i'm going to have to count on my looks right.
i feel like the person being described in Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns. i think i totally just am. yes. i'm just losing myself, bit by bit. but what's holding me back? i should just act until i don't know who i am at all anymore. yes. then nobody would know what a horrid person i am inside.
on the brighter side, i'm an aunt now! oh gosh. i feel so old. but yes, my newborn niece is very lovable. :) she's so small, small hands, small toes, small everything. but she's got really pretty big eyes. i love her eyes. my eyes wouldn't ever be so big eh? and she's so small. only 48cm. i can't imagine myself being smaller than her. cause i was smaller than her when i was born. haha.
and i'm going back to Kong Hwa tomorrow :D for the p4 leadership camp. lovely. i went there last year, and i'm going back this year. and i think i'll be really appalled by the juniors there. heh. then there's always band to look forward to on tuesday and thursday. :) and i'll spend wednesday and friday doing homework and studying. yes yes.
i need to talk. or at least cry. who's willing to lend me their shoulder?05.09.2010
