Including blogging. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Promos starting this wednesday and the possibility that I could retain really scares me. Honestly.
I'm not sure if I'm studying hard enough or too hard or just being emotionally/mentally stressed but not doing enough physically to make up for that guilt.
I don't think I've ever been more afraid or stressed out over an exam before, including O's. Which is kinda stupid cause O's is a national exam and promos is...just an internal one. But the reality of retaining is scary. Retaining in Cedar never seemed like a possibility because most of us were just way above the criteria but now, it's a whole new ball game and I don't think I'm in control anymore.
Even amidst this stressful time, I'm really grateful and thankful for the people God has put into my life, my family away from family. Today I've finally appreciated the fact the having people pray for me is such a blessing and something good that God has placed in our lives. To know that someone is praying especially for you is so heartwarming, and it only reminds me of His love that has manifested itself in the people around me for me.
Greatest takeaway from today would be that I finally realised/recognised or choose to accept the fact that there are people behind me supporting me and that I'm not alone. These people may not be the closest to me but they love me all the same and I'm grateful for that.
But today only further fuelled my desire to build a family/find someone who has the same ideals as me and is heading in the same direction as I am, now having accepted that supporting one another through prayer is such a beautiful thing.
Maybe because of my background, there are still many things which I'm learning to give and accept. I only pray that God places a mentor in my life to guide me and help me to grow in substance, to grow in Him.
And yes, I am still anxiously waiting and fervently hoping for the day my family comes to know and love Christ just as I love Him now, if not more.
Promos may be daunting, but I will walk through this tough time with Jesus by my side, and peace everlasting will fill my heart. I will do my best for His glory and trust in all that He has planned for me, because His plans are good plans, plans to prosper us and not to harm us.
May the presence of God be with me, and may I be able to feel His presence and not only blindly call out His name thinking that He's not there.
29.09.2013
"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
- Psalm 23:4-6
